i said my existential crisis over and at the time i'm fine, my mind just get behind the odor time's how i get by, i don't rely on finding types of clovers changed by some divine controlant the shit i'm smoking potent, help me control my emotions keep em checked, and keep my breath concealed to what's believed as best my meek impressions, kinda get congested when i kneecap steps i don't await arrivals of the visits when it sees me next i'm tryna just believe that it would leave me after recent threats bless bless i said i'm coping with a copious amount of doubt recently come out my mouth and every word just hits the ground in secrecy i hide my feelings to the same extent as people seeing me in public, so that means i just babble out all my decency i keep the masterkey, but i still tend to lose it frequently i understand it's not in my hands, but it's still beneath me, see i feel i'm better than i'm at the peak when this shit reaching me and sleep and heaving be the only reasons i've been breaching peace bless bless they say emotions are an artform, i guess that i'm an artist then compare my shit to all that's in my area, i'm artisan compare my shit to everyone i've birthed, then i'm no artermis my mind migrates on my own, and no one flocks to this i promise this, you try and steal my stallion, ain't down to win my style too out there for anyone to come around and kick i feel like i just stumbled off the edge of something mountainous and building me back up is what amounts to what i'm counted in bless i'm so, blessed

i said, i've been on the outside, not looking in, and cooked again i'm trying to combat throughout this crookedness i'm pushed within so fuck a friend, i'm down on all my luck and still don't act all plucked and ruffled man i'm stuck until i cluck inside my coffin's grip down in the pit, i'm sick of it mindstate borderline i knew my cycle had began again when my room floor had got disorganized and acted like i'm sort of fine so god bless my friends around me, i can tell that they were mortified i act obsessive, i can't fathom thoughts dealing with hordes of i i'm impatient, i can't face it, taking their support with sorts of stride cordial cries whining wide, and yet they all ring empty but that's the pessimist in me, even when i'm acting friendly shit, it's difficult to balance both, eyeballing shit is tricky so please stick with me while i'm self-destructive and i don't blame you if you choose to leave, i feel though my whole world right now is prone to crumbling hard to not come off guilt trippy, or like i'm up to something hard to feel like i ain't ruined shit, or feel unpolished cause it hard to call it, collared to the wall, malnourished body sluggish ruins falling on my noggin, toppling ozymandias' sandstorm blanketed and ransacked my hospice cottage my macabre thoughts stockpiled, vile with my conscience keep them out of pocket often, cautious, seek my imagine spotless god it's hard, i can't keep stalling my metabolic rate is slower than a tarpit bubbling, losing weight so much is troubling through discomfort, lost my moral compass acted opposite of pompous, confident i'll bounce back enough to stop it often at least i hope so now my health delayed in retrograde and it's gotten to the point where taking drugs is an escape instead of escapades i've feel i've done too much to where i can't clean up the mess i've made the estuaries to my brain connect my brain, keep leaking man sometimes i feel the songs i make are nothing but some quick complaints i know that's not the case but hard to swallow i'm not spilling angst i keep it blunt as what i smoke for pain i momentarily overcame, but i'll be here again i know it's just apart of game

i feel i've overstayed my welcome, know the outcome too well i've played the alchemist's "e. coli" every time i'm not well tryna find, someone to relate to, or somewhere to escape to tryna scrap a couple reasons to feel somebody don't hate you it's like being on veteran mode the prior playthrough and the first boss is like the final ending that you can't do i'm hoping someone turns the corner, looks at me like "hey dude, it's okay to be ashamed or dismayed at what you say too." i promise, get you back in touch, you see them better days soon you always being heavy-minded, and that shit make hate bloom it's like you tryna bring them bad emotions to the gravestone and now the wave's blown over like mistakes that's from the same boat i saved a snap three years ago, i was in therapy and three years later, i still need that type of care for me it's apparent and aware to me that i tread carefully through shallow waters, tryna now drown in something narrowly i lost fifteen pounds and my doctor said that she's proud of me but do i tell her it's from throwing up? proclivity of naiveté i'm going through keep showing up, and guess what i found it don't get easier when growing up my coconut's been soaked in blood, so what's up? i'm supposed to sit here in the mud just hoping that i hit the mark? this tape is just a cry for help for all the cards that i was dealt and all the hands i held had slipped, already now, i've hit the ground i'm in denial and i'm sinking now currents tryna mow me down but i gotta take the scenic route and bleed it out denial and i'm sinking now currents tryna mow me down but i gotta leave my house and i can't get out outta sight, outta mind, i never look into that water broken nails into these coffins, scratching out my problems i'm running until i'm coughing blood, i keep running that the faucet to hide the unforgotten that been haunting up my conscience i never talk about these things, they saying it's denial haven't used, it been a while, drugs inducing fluent style running in a marathon, and tripping on the final mile ceiling filled with broken tiles, cabinets only dust piles shit, it's just something i'm getting used to, i lose too so many instances, so my wins been getting useful trying to find a loophole out of my mind is a usual zoning in and out of my convos, trauma trumping in my new view of life i've been trying to find with no success looking for the light, now i'm blinded by being direct inside my mind, and i try and try just to dissect now i'm broken down and unable to focus on what's next watch my steps

i said, therapy ain't free so i pay more for a zip i guess the verse ain't reaching locals, so the chorus should hit i know my mind a mess, i'm bored, and steady smorgasing shit i'm at a loss for words, still manage to record in a minute therapy ain't free so i pay more for a zip i guess the verse ain't reaching locals, so the chorus should hit i know my mind a mess, i'm bored, and steady smorgasing shit i'm at a loss for words, still manage to record in a minute i'm finding solace in the hardest of places but heard through the grapevine that it's fine and i know i can take it my bad attitude sits on my shoulder, as i'm older, i've felt vacant but lets face it, i've been here before, of course i know i'll make it the journey, to be expected, is to not be accepted i've felt anxious, crestfallen and restless up in my bed, shit i bottle things up too much, without saying much then crack another bottle just to coddle and then chuck it up for later after twisting blunts i'm crossfaded off a paper trail of hundreds i've been saving up only to blow it all in a sec up off a case of bud after i had claimed to stunt, i really hope i make it up an eighth of shrooms consumed confine me to my room, confused really if you're in my place too, you'd ask me what to do i'm out of tune, and out of town too much to feel out of the loop i'm shouting, hoping that you can hear me and all my breaking news i don't know what to do i don't know what to do but, fuck it, because therapy ain't free so i pay more for a zip i guess the verse ain't reaching locals, so the chorus should hit i know my mind a mess, i'm bored, and steady smorgasing shit i'm at a loss for words, still manage to record in a minute therapy ain't free so i pay more for a zip i guess the verse ain't reaching locals, so the chorus should hit i know my mind a mess, i'm bored, and steady smorgasing shit i'm at a loss for words, still manage to record in a minute i said i got vices for me to feel some and if they fight you then don't end up like me i said i got vices for me to feel some and if they fight you then don't end up like me

murky waters causing problems for me, shit, i got a boatload it gets tricky when it goes from "i think so," to "i hope so," i don't know though prescriptions missing from the kitchen, put my feelings in a prison hopefully in slow-mo to show for to prove i'm trying something, too much mistakes today, just know i'm crying from it from the fact my mind prevents my ass from lying, cousin so easy does it, baby steps the path it takes to break regrets and prior clutches taking meds from when "surf" dropped in hopes to quiet something because my mind is rushing, i'm tired of it it broke my heart when i looked in the canister and saw a pill left, man you gotta love it progression is a couple steps behind me, and i'm still struggling the people jealous of my pen don't get it, i'm just tryna heal with words rather make a mil from it stomach grumbling from the lack of meals, fronting from depression that i'm in, the pit is like a real substance, and the bill collector's coming man, my heart hurts and i'm still worried bout tomorrow instead of now, so recollect myself and count my scars first it's almost two years, you really wanna make your arms worse? and the toll you took on your emotions seemed to dawn on her i'm hoping now ain't awkward do you know the guilt i hold from fucking someone who's innocent's emotions up? aight man, so hit me back when you do i'm packing my truth, while still tryna patch up a truce it's nothing proud i like to carry, typically would have me buried my face inside of the pavement, facing people after scary i'm kinda helpless, just hope to break the cycle this time i'm optimistic, in my prime to refine, in due time i know there's no malice, but it's hard for me to feel that way imagine how she feels all the time to look up at my face and know that i'm the catalyst that put her stalemate it's almost like the hills i made are too hard to scale today my mental health impaled and flayed and all erosion that was caused by me to wither way was far too much a fare to pay i'm paralyzed in narrow space my knuckles leaking from me sparring with the mirror shards apart when i get carried way i'm hoping that my therapist would answer me cause everyday's a different pace and i'm getting close to teetering to stay the meter's paid, and i'm running out of change so all my patience slowly strained time expired to my name, i hate to say

i said i'm puking from anxiety, the vomit water spray my face wow, i'm still amazed about the state of things the clock move slower in the AM, praying that the day would change while still hoping things remain the same my mama said don't hide up in my room all day and we can talk about it it's better than me tryna walk around it and it's astounding, i feel like i’m a bile fountain that amounts in more mileage than a car that keeps rerouting i don't want to be awake, but having nightmares about it still a whole day is how an hour feel i cower fear away because i feel a weakness spilling how i feel it took a bit, but see it mirror clear my chest has tremors from it, want to hit the peak but i ain't reach the summit spent too much throughout the week shaking and grieving from it need discussion, avoid it, instead i put emotions into words and then record it, never distorted i'm straightforward, but that's what gets me into trouble most i stumble into ice and feel i'm falling in and out of moats just know i’m sorry for my callous quotes but i've said too much tryna recover this time, and i know how that goes insomniatic walking mat and if you really wanna find me, take a look at the ground where people stomping at advantage is my modus operandi, in the meantime i see my deterioration, and only leak eyes i gotta lotta unsolved inner monologues so i let my pills dissolve, and klonopin feels like a tylenol i'm sleeping on the floor again, i hope there isn't more of this the last time that i did this, i was tormented through lauren's shit my paranoia's flourished more since days that i was born with it and ever since have spent days settling scores with scorn and shit disjointed all the thorns out my core side and my orifices and still fight everyday inside my mind in bloody tournaments i guess i'm headed to the scorcher then tryna fight my trauma from the past turns to abhorrent, man my cortex feeling porous, pouring skeletons out of my unhinged closet, i need to figure this out, and now he estado aquí varias veces no es mi lugar favorito odio tanto que sin darme cuenta regrese y no puedo hacer nada más que hacerme chiquito sabes, esto hace parte de mí casi todo, siento honesto pero no es tan lindo aquí si lo fuera, sería menos, lo que lo detesto [english translation:] i've been here a lot of times it's not my favorite place i hate (so much) the fact that, without realizing it, i come back and i can't do anything but make myself little you know, this is part of me almost all of me, being honest but it's not so pretty here if it were, i would despise it less

i love your soul for the sole time console mines, but when lines get blurred the borders confining coal mines the whole time was saying that, was saying that but now i don't feel the same way no more don't sleep away the day instead i use it on myself i pled, and bled too many times to rest, ingested all the medicine and shit, and still not finding peace within my head, i need some help i put the food i stare at longer than eating where it don't belong, back up on the shelf til all the keys was dealt and all the peace and treaties kept and every burnt up secret left i'm slowly relearning how to feed myself every time i'm meager every step i take that's weaker mind me that i can't make it through the week sans entire seasons leaving, it seems, it seems when treated with a regal greeting i drop to my knees, shaking, humbled due to all the praises fleeting case be leaking, brain is weeded frame is rigid, time constricted life is frigid, i don't get it gotta find ways for me to be resilient without needing pills and outseeing shrills, the thrills distant done been broken, hopeless, need fixing trees twisted, wreaths hitting

but now it’s juxtaposed, so i suppose that imma need to raise the bar again and let my shadow show when confidence arose i used to think it was the final straw despite the flaws, i'm standing tall and still i got the scars to prove i beat the claws man, at least that's what i used to think but nowadays, i been off the chain with broken bonds i stopped that once had used to link the puke in sink mixed with the mucus leak my throat shattered, not from rapping but from every instance holding screams but now i’m safe again, found tranquility for now but the cycle's never-ending, in the future, know i'll drown i’m not prepared for it, it's the déjà vu effect and though i pulled myself out, predict the currents drag me back, man PART II: 6.21 𓆣 i don’t know how to make you happy i don’t know how to make you sad i don't, make you happy, i-i make you sad i don't, make you happy, i-i make you sad i don't, make you happy, i-i make you sad i don't, make you happy, i-i make you sad i don't, make you happy, i-i make you sad i don't, make you happy, i-i make you sad